It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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