I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
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Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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