My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
