I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The struggles of a small town man whore
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
