Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just threw up on my dentist
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
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