I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
