its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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