She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
