i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
