it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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