soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize