Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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