we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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