Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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