there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
