If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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