tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
