with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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