I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
