I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
