Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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