Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
