I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize