We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Randomize
