so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
