I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
