haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
