Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
