I met the friendliest cop last night
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
