Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
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I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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