My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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