she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I want to be your penis for a week.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
