I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
