I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
