i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
