Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
