After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
