she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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