My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
