I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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