My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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