You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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