it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
