Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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