dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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