i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize