I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
don't judge my taste in strippers
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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