If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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