While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
