I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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