i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
