you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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