And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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