so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
