I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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