the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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