Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
