I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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