just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
