it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
