FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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