you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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