just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
