1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
we made out on top of his cat.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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