Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
