yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
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I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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