That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
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Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
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An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
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